Who can The Democrats run?
Trump upended the Republican Party with his celebrity swagger and distinctly awful personality. How can the Democrats defeat that?
Perhaps it is his lack of political acumen that helps Donald Trump speak to voters, more specifically, to young men looking for assurance that their twisted masculinity can still blisteringly function in what they view as a liberal nation. Perhaps it is his unabashed fascism, the hatred that burns through his veiny, reddish-orange neck that looks like professional makeup, but smudged. Perhaps it is his swaggering vibes; perhaps it was the assassination attempt, the bullet that just missed his temple by a few inches. Whatever the reason, Donald J. Trump is the President again, a startlingly and unsurprising proposition for a country that was born from a white power structure, despite the progress — however faux — people have hoped to promote. To understand Trump is to know that he will not concede; he is a virus that finds a way to lurk until his pathogens explode.
It should be noted that Trump’s last presidency was marred by chaos, sloppiness, and illiteracy — since he is not well-read and does not like to do anything but that chatter like a Mean Girls character — but the Democratic Party will be forced to contend with a fastbreak offense in this presidency. It’s possible that he will stack the court with young Republican judges willing to advance Trumpism as quickly as a coffee order. He will have control of the Senate and the House, and it is likely that continues, even past the midterm elections. The general distrust and adversarial relationship he has with the media will be bulging with venom this time around, as any reporters who are doing their job will almost certainly have to pressure Mr. Trump to answer questions honestly. More than that, the deranged relationship that men have with masculinity and feminism will start to be like the titanic: it will keep sinking, sinking, sinking, until it is finally floating in the debris, without any sign of brightness at all.
Still, we will persevere — because we, the people, always do. I promise we will. We got through the first four years, when he spent his time on X threatening peaceful protests after the murder of George Floyd; we got through the worst of COVID, when he couldn’t be bothered to implement a plan that would help people — social animals who need to bond with others — who were isolated; my mind tells me that we will get through this as well. However, the Democratic Party needs to figure out how to connect with the voters — two-thirds of Americans — who are swing states, in “Middle America”, and in places like Pennsylvania, which can be blue but was red in this election. I know that it is hard for minority voters to realize this — I am a Black man in America is who awfully disturbed (but, not surprised) by the white supremacy, lack of respect for reproductive rights, and departure from normative behavior that was on display during Trump’s campaign; my family is tremendously upset, from my cousins to my 66-year-old father, who is lamenting that Americans want to vote for a guy who wants to air a minstrel show — but there will be more nights like Tuesday nights if the Democrats don’t find a politician who is able to craft a message that voters can connect with. People like Kamala Harris become successful and powerful as a prosecutor and in life, not because of her ability to connect with Debbie in Wisconsin, but because they have had to be two times as better — two times as gentle, two times as hard working, two times as presentable — for their whole careers, an undeniable fact in America. Thus, that same success makes you isolated from everyone else’s impoverished reality. She didn’t go on Joe Rogan because her mindset throughout her public life was to avoid unsophisticated people like Joe Rogan, or at least avoid what her view of unsophistication is. (It should be noted that Dave Chappelle, who is sophisticated as long as he is not talking about trans people, goes on Rogan’s podcast). Times are different, though, and politicians like Kamala and even Barack Obama — Tim Walz handed Obama a flannel and jokingly, but also seriously, Obama looked at it like he had handed him some coal for Christmas — have to adjust so that people see a candidate that is talking to them, not talking at them, or laughing at them behind their backs.
Do we have time for humor? Surely, we always do, no matter the external pain, or internal doubt, we are suffering when the country that promised us life, liberty, and happiness profoundly disappoints us. Cheeky pieces aren’t always my McDonald’s order, or my method of processing the world, but I was wondering: who are some celebrities that the Democrats could poach that would have success in Middle America? I wrote about them; not in order, but rather just a few celebrities that might have success for the Democrats.
Unfortunately, this country is just too right wing to have a woman running, at least not at this moment. I would love for it to happen if it’s a candidate that I agree with — and I think it will eventually —- but it clearly was not happening on Tuesday night. So, unfortunately Mike Tyson, will have to be the pick right now. “Iron Mike” is beloved; a certain person who came alive at a certain age, in Middle America, remembers Tyson as a champion, however out of control he was. They also know that Tyson is down to talk to anyone. He’s from Brownsville, Brooklyn, but he has also been all across the globe, and is an example of monoculture — but, monoculture without the identity politic bent that seemed to follow the Kamala campaign. Mike Tyson can win a few red states; he’s a character, and he can connect with anyone.
Here’s the thing about Shaq: He never found a check that he could not cash. He would do a commercial for the Isreali government if Netanyahu paid him enough. He would do a commercial for the prosecutors in the Young Thug trial if they paid him enough. He would pose with Eric Adams and the NYPD if they allowed him to eat for free at a Chinese restaurant forever. I once saw him pose as a Miami police officer for sketch comedy purposes on TNT. Middle America loves Shaq: He always has a smile, he won championships, he showed up to training camp out of shape, and he likes to hate on current NBA athletes. It makes him someone who could definitely win a vote in Arizona. I can see it right now. A Shaq dunk at a rally, while his belt breaks, and everyone goes insane.
Snoop Dogg — who I might add was at one point was on trial for a murder in 1993 — is the closest thing to a mascot in America today. His story is almost fantastical: he went from a rapper to a media darling, through longevity and hits that every person could dance to. Firstly, he is iconic as a man, not just within the music world. He’s tall and lanky, not an imposing figure, but one that has the air of someone who could have been at one point. He loves marijuana, he loves white women like Martha Stewart, and he loves America. To Snoop, America is where he found his niche, his fame, and it created hip-hop, which at this point, is the new rock and roll. (Middle America loves G-Funk). I can see him winning, or making it very close. Snoop oozes with persona: style, grace, laconism, and a gangster charm that brings communities together. The mothers of my white friends always talk about Snoop, and how charming they find him. Maybe Snoop can convince Indiana to vote blue!
There’s a shadow that looms over this pick: Bruce Springsteen. The Boss should be the pick here. But, I worry that the Boss has spent too much time with the Obamas — making podcasts with them, performing at their rallies, becoming everyone’s favorite liberal white dude — to win Middle American votes. Springsteen rocks, and “Tenth Avenue Freeze Out” is a karaoke song for me, but he’s become the establishment. The songs where he would admonish the government for turning their backs on veterans — something they still do — are no longer in his repertoire. Now, it’s vague songs about liberty and freedom. Do you know who the new Springsteen is? Zach Bryan, who is like if you created Springsteen and Future (Bryan’s great at making songs about male tears) in a lab. He isn’t the writer that Springsteen is quite yet, and he does not have the cachet with multiple communities that Bruce has, but he has the voice and the excellent live performance skills. Bryan, is not yet the darling of the liberal media like Springsteen is, and can definitely charm voters as a former member of the United States Navy.
Sometimes people forget that the best part of Michael Jordan is that he doesn't care about any of this. He isn’t LeBron, who is in an endless pursuit of corniness, and posted his daughter on Instagram in a trite post about how sad he is about the results. (He has a right to want to protect little Zhuri from the toxic masculinity of the election results, from the abortions rights being taken away, but Zhuri is fine; her father basically runs the NBA right now).
Jordan, however, said nothing and it’s why I adore Jordan. “Republicans buy sneakers too!” was a true statement. They do, and he was not going to let his politics or a random governor race in North Carolina prevent him from selling shoes. LeBron uses his voice, and I understand why people care about that (I view it as virtue signaling but that’s fine, we don’t have to agree), but Jordan knows that his persona and celebrity is most effective as a famous athlete who just happens to be a Black man. Are you seeing him play with swagger and intensity? Did you see him gamble and then drop fifty the day after? That is more important than him saying hashtags and “using his platform.” His platform is to hoop, and hoop he did.
Jordan would do great. He’d never take the nomination and run, because he is too cool to care about any of this, but he’d be great. Middle America loves Jordan: all he did was win; all he did was sell cool sneakers. He can be a charming grinch, and it’s in the same vein as the masculinity that voters seem to want, but much classier. He is a Black man, but he is the Black man. Jenny from Kansas will eat from his palm as soon as he talks about college basketball, and his time at North Carolina. Jordan also knows what it is like to live paycheck to paycheck in the rural South. Trump won’t know what to do.
Stephen A. Smith is a perfect candidate. Here’s why: he has the masculinity factor that these loser kids so desperately want. Whenever you hear Stephen A talk, yell, scream, be demonstrative, you’re hearing something akin to a preacher, or a Christian sports radio host. He’s one of one, gifted at understanding a certain work ethic endears you to people. (A lot of his success comes from how monotonous he is; he is never not on First Take). He loves sports, in the way that Middle America does. Stephen A is never talking about the statistics, only the drama and the athletic gifts that these players contain. He is not afraid to go against the grain; he is not afraid to enjoy things. I can see Stephen A. wiping the floor with Trump in a debate. He’s got a better tongue than he does, and he is younger, with more swagger. The Democrats need to do this now!